Deepen with Christina

You're listening to We Deepen Media. Hello and welcome to another episode of Deepen with Christina. I'm your host, Christina Webber, founder and CEO of We Deepen, Feminine Weapon, and also a certified professional love coach and matchmaker. I love connecting people.

It's interesting that term matchmaker. Uh, I don't really love it and I was brainstorming with friends and clients recently being like, what's another word? Because I, you know, not to put down any particular industry in any way, when I first discovered the field of matchmaking and matchmakers back in 2014, as I started this journey into uh, focusing on loving relationships, human connection and dating, I was conflicted when I met lots of the matchmakers in New York City. You know, every industry has charlatans.

Uh, every single one, you can go into, you know, people joke about it, like accountants are all charlatans, they're politicians are charlatans. Well, every industry has charlatans. Um, and um, and there's some absolutely amazing matchmakers too. But for me personally, I don't necessarily fully connect with that being um, what, what we're doing.

We're what I love is more of like midwifing relationships. Not only intuitively introducing you to people and I, I personally don't even want the pressure of having to go out and find you the one. Um, I am more interested in the growth experience that intimacy has to offer. And all of us will have a unique intimacy journey this lifetime.

And uh, and I can't promise somebody within six months that I'm going to go find that right person, but what I do is I move from my intuition as I work with clients, whether that's through We Deepen's Love Club, um, or even, it's always through We Deepen's Love Club, but definitely different levels of um, membership tiers is how I get involved. And um, we're as you're learning more about yourself through the erotic blueprints, about Lee, uh, and some of the other offerings and teachers and systems that we utilize to support your relational journey. I distill all of that information. I Charles Eisenstein once on this pod on on the Deepen with Christina podcast.

Um, I think he's around episode 50-ish, um, maybe 50, 60-ish. And he said in response to a question about tools, like what tools are needed, um, to get to bait you more into your heart. And his answer has continued to resonate with me where he says, it's not about tools, it's about information. As you're out in the world and you're having experiences and you're learning whether that's through a transformational workshop, medicines are just living your life.

You are um, taking in information, you're distilling that information in your head and you're bringing it down into the heart. It gets to drop further into the heart and then moves into the gut. And then you're able to make instinctual decisions in the moment because you have access, that information has just been distilled down to you. So, working uh with private clients in this way, it's I'm um, when I'm out in the world and I'm meeting new people, I am instinctually, um, my intuition is being activated as I meet new people on your behalf.

So I I like to say that I make intuitive introductions, but in simplest terms and for the general public and for you to understand it, yes, it's easier to say matchmaker, but I'm looking for a new term. We've entered 2024. If you, yeah, if you're listening to this podcast as it's released, uh, welcome. We've arrived 2024.

I feel like it's an an initiation. Is anyone, do you feel that way? Anyone else feel that way? You're listening, uh, do you feel that way?

We've been initiated into in in into this, yeah, the next level, the the 24th level. Um, I celebrated with a a 24 karat gold um, party, uh, that was the theme of the party here in Austin and yeah, feeling as though all of us at that party addressed in gold, about 100 people, um, we were all, yeah, initiated. Uh, so it's January 2024 and interesting, I mentioned this in the last podcast episode that the first Sunday after New Year's, typically that time period between 8:00 or 9:00, so if you're listening to this just as this is released, it happened last night. And that hour between 8:00 and 9:00 is historically the most popular time that people are online dating than any other time of the entire year.

It's the New Year's resolution. We, um, we want love. Like we yearn for love. It's natural.

This is a natural thing that we desire to feel a sense of oneness within inside of ourself and it's typically activated through that connection with another person. And there's no other feeling like falling in love and it's amazing and vulnerable to desire that and to admit that you desire that. And I feel this collective, especially because, you know, 2024, it's actually a really, you know, 10 years past Ted Talks became popular in 2024. That's when I started to paying attention.

Online dating, um, Tinder became popular in 2024. Uh, yeah, in 2014, we're now in 2024. Um, and so we've, if you, if you were aware of that and you've been part of the journey to now arrive here 10 years later, it's like all of that work, all of those studies are now initiating you into this next level. So, I'm excited.

I'm excited to share the next New Year with you. I'm going through lots of expansion and lots of growth. Um, I, uh, we deepen, we're, I'm seeking an operational manager. We have more business than I than we can handle.

It's beautiful and more business opportunities and that's because the relationship industry, it's been primed and people are ready to receive it. We're done. Like we're done with toxic, unhealthy relationships. The time is now to enter into healthy dynamics and people are yearning for it and they're ready, both men and women are ready for this.

If you do enjoy this podcast, please do like, subscribe, rate it, give it five stars. It helps more people find it. It helps me continue to host it. Go check out that calendar at wedeepen.

com. You will see the upcoming social and transformational experiences. I have a interview with a new assistant on Friday. I it's a second one.

I'm in the process of interviewing multiple people ready to um, to crank it up and crank up We Deepen in in in 2024. Most of you might not know this, but typically, uh, what you have been seeing, I've been working sort of as a one-stop shop, like a like a like a like a like solo, in a solo journey, although I have many advisors and team and guides and community all around me. A lot of it has been my life force energy and I'm looking for now with all I've created, I'm looking forward to bringing team in to be able to bring you more experiences, more offerings, more of the teachers, facilitators, mentors who have supported me on my relational journey, um, who I've seen are well qualified to provide you with their medicine and magic to support you on your relational journey. And that's what I do through our small group at the Love Club.

Rolling registration will begin in 2024. So you will have the ability to join the Love Club. We're at capacity right now, um, but you will have the ability to join that Love Club, um, this year. I'm so excited to welcome to the podcast, Deepen with Christina, Yvonne.

Um, Yvonne, say your last name because you say it so beautifully and I'm not going to say it as well. Chakran. Chakran. Yeah, pretty, pretty good.

Chakran. Okay, great. Perfect. Uh, I'm so excited for for us to be having this conversation, this dialogue and sharing this with those who are listening.

And for those listening, uh, what I what I want you to know about this podcast, if this is your first time listening is that I am not interviewing people. I am leading a conversation and guiding a conversation, uh, and inviting you to join in the dialogue with your ear and also, um, giving you access to the people that have supported me in my journey and uh, and you can always like, I'm I I like through me, you can reach them or um, or I might give you details how you can directly reach them as well. So Yvonne and I met, um, physical like I I've heard Yvonne's name around LA, um, for probably years before we had ever actually made, um, physical meeting. And it happened because there was an Medicine Medicine retreat happening in Austin, Texas that a dear friend, Nicole was a part of.

Um, she mentioned, uh, invited me. I wanted to be part of your Yvonne, your significant other, Emily. Um, her and I have developed a friendship. Uh, she, um, also had mentioned these ceremonies to me.

I have done about 20 I ceremonies, um, prior to the ceremony with you. Um, all with the same facilitator. Uh, but I've never done Medicine. And I had this curiosity around it.

I remember about five years ago, a woman had told me that she could not get over an ex-boyfriend for five years. Like she was trying everything for years and years and years to, um, overcome heartbreak and she was so, she couldn't get this man out of her brain. And finally, she did Medicine and that was what worked. Um, and so she was raving about it and I knew, I knew there was some power in the medicine and I wanted to experience when the opportunity showed up, I signed up.

And uh, and yeah, it was a and I and now it's eight months later that that ceremony happened, which was April. Um, if you want to hear directly of how I felt after that ceremony, episode 80 is with Nicole, who I sat next to during the ceremony. That episode is called Medicine Medicine. Um, and we unpack it like real time right when we got after and now there's going to be a little unpacking of this episode eight months later, um, because that's that's the journey of the medicine.

It's not instant. You don't get instant gratification from going into a ceremony. It's a, um, you're you're you're in the you're kind of your your brain is still like, what happened? I'm trying to understand that.

So I'm I've been unpacking it and uh, and Yvonne and I planted the seed that this podcast would happen, you know, back in April, around the time that I sat ceremony and it took a little bit of time to get here. So we finally arrived and I'm getting to um, share this dialogue and this conversation and you and your magic and your genius, um, with everybody who has listening. So thank you for being here. Thank you so much, Christina, for having me.

Yes, as you said, it it's been a long time coming. Um, I was waiting to finally be able to allow myself to put myself out in the world through podcasts and uh, interviews and stuff like that. So, um, I thank you and thank myself for the patience because we've been talking about it for so long. And I kept telling you, I think it's going to happen next month and it ended up happening much, much later.

Um, so, but I'm glad that we're finally here. And uh, yeah, very excited to see where these conversation unfolds. Me too. And and what I wanted to share with others as well because I think this is interesting is, you know, all in divine timing is what you say and and sometimes you feel like you were feeling like, oh, I should schedule this or should schedule this or maybe we even scheduled once and then it got canceled and and me on the other end is like, oh, I um, because what we spoke about when we um, you know, when I we made the the for me to do the ceremony at the time, I was um, still like I was my my um, it's interesting to where the financial health, I don't feel like that's the right thing that was happening, but I was um, my access to um, money, like the physical aspect of money was felt limited at the time.

And rather than me saying, I can't do that, you can't afford that, I asked to, um, if I I presented an offer, um, for the ceremony and asked if you would take this offer. Um, and, um, and then I asked to pay half of it then and I told you I'd pay the other half later. And uh, I thank goodness and in this, you know, one of the things I want to cover today is the field of expansion. Uh, but since then, my money story has shifted.

Um, I now have, uh, access to, uh, more, I've generated my business, We Deepen, the Love Club has generated revenue. Um, and uh, I went and started paying back debts. And you were one of the debts I paid back and in that experience, my brain went, huh, do I really have to pay this back? Like, does he even remember this?

And uh, and then yeah, so I danced with my integrity for a moment, but I always knew like underneath it all, like I I was I was going to I was going to come through on it, but I definitely danced with the moment. Do I really need to? Uh, and I got to send that money just maybe two weeks ago and then this conversation's following. So it's all in perfect divine timing.

Thank you for your patience. Uh, and yeah, I I I have a question when you and where I think to start is you said, you know, now you're allowed to share yourself in these bigger ways on social platform. Like you're just now arriving onto Instagram, our YouTube, where some might perceive because you haven't been there yet that it may be too late. Um, but this word you use, this word allowing.

What did what does that mean? Um, I guess I'm using the word allowing as a form of self-allowance. So I am allowing myself now to to do this. Partially is because, um, you know, as a facilitator of ceremony, you don't promote yourself online.

It's not something that you want for many reasons, um, but one of them also is that you don't want people who you don't know, uh, coming to a ceremony. You don't want, you only want people that other people have vouched for. Um, because, uh, ceremony will bring a lot of things up and you want to keep everybody safe. And if people who aren't ready for it or people who, um, are not somebody else's trusted person come and then something shows up for them that it is hard or or beyond hard, uh, or beyond challenging to manage where it becomes dangerous.

That's a disservice to everybody. To myself, to that person, to everybody else, right? So, um, this is a long version of saying that it's not something that you promote. And I wasn't ever intending and I continue to not intend to promote ceremonies online.

Um, but there was a moment in which I felt that for the 10 years that I've been holding ceremonies, that I gathered so much information and knowledge and wisdom, um, around how to make the world a better place, if you, if you will. That's um, that's a very maybe broad way of saying it, uh, somewhat cliche and very, uh, non-specific. Um, so I can go a little bit deeper in there. What I mean with make the world a better place is allow people to have access to real and meaningful healing.

So, to have them understand themselves better, to have help them process trauma, to help them become a better version of themselves, to, you know, which all of those things create beautiful consequences, like they become more compassionate towards others, towards themselves. They release uh, trapped emotions like anger and rage and hopelessness and uh, shame. And all of those things create a beautiful ripple effect on the people that they are in contact with. You know, somebody that's dropped into a place like that has a bigger chance of giving a smile to uh, the cashier in the supermarket, whereas maybe without it, it would have been like, hi, and then just keep looking at their phone or something like that, right?

And so what I'm saying is that these 10 years of ceremonies not only have helped those people become that, but also have helped me understand how how to get people to that place without a ceremony, without consuming plants, without psychedelics, um, which basically means it's it was like and like going to um, the best psychology university, right? Because you explore it within yourself and working with in my case, over 10,000 people, um, I got to see every possible example of trauma, of how people deal with trauma, when do they face it, when do they avoid it, when do they numb it? And so I would say I came out of this university, uh, now with a lot of knowledge that I really, really want to share. And it's not even want to share.

I want to share it, but that's not what's that's not the driving force. The driving force is more of a it's coming out of me. It's it's it's this thing that I am holding that I feel like I am, um, hoarding it. Like, like I am keeping it for myself and it is almost selfish.

It's like, you like this thing that's inside me, maybe that's the best way to put it. You know, it's like, this thing that's inside me wants to come out, rather than me wanting it. And this thing that's inside me is telling me, everybody, as much, as many people as you can, um, should should better excuse my sometimes uh, broken English, but as um, this thing that's inside me wants uh, as many people as uh, as possible to to listen to it or to hear it. Because I I realized that I can, I can give a ceremony to 20 to 30 people and those people are going to benefit a lot.

But that's it. And that does not create, of course, in the long, in the long run, the butterfly effect, et cetera, like in 20 generations that would have created a massive impact. But it's not what I want. What I want is that impact today, yesterday, right?

I want to see the world, um, live in a place of being more healed, um, today. I want to leave a better world to our children than the one that we inherited. And so I realized 25 people at a time is not enough. It's good, but it's not enough.

What I wanted was for millions and millions of people to start, um, doing healing work. And for millions to do it, you can't depend on medicine because you can only serve a few dozen at a time. So, um, to respond to your question, to your original question about allowing, this thing that's inside me wants to come out so badly that I finally allowed it. I I'm finally like, all right, like this I can't stop you anymore.

I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to put my face on YouTube and my voice in podcasts like this one and others. Um, I'm going to expose myself. I'm going to be out there advocating for what I truly believe in, which is that the world needs to heal.

That's what we all want and that it is absolutely possible with the right tools. I hold the knowledge of those tools and I want to put them out there. We're just starting this conversation and I am so excited because there's so many angles to unpack as as you're speaking, I wrote some notes down. Starting first because if if so allow.

I want to still this word that you used. Uh, I also see it there was a discipline, a self-disciplined in that experience of um, and and of a waiting for the right time or maybe when divine time shows up. Does how does that word discipline register for you within within your experience as a leader in I'll call it the awakening or a conscious movement. Um, it's it's interesting you use that word because discipline has been a humongous part of my journey.

Um, I in order to put this out there, I knew that the bar is very high. If you go to YouTube, for example, um, people who are who are successful on the platform are really, really good. They have really good cameras and good editors and everything is done professionally and thought very they think everything through really well and a lot of them, they didn't start that way, but they are there now and so therefore they have a bigger budget and a team. And what I realized is that if I want people to listen to, I know that the content of what I put out is good, but that is not enough in today's world.

The packaging needs to be proper, the marketing, all of that needs to happen in the right way. And so I realized my competition, not necessarily in within my own niche, but it's it's big. And if you want to to succeed, then you have to be really good at it. And I want to succeed less because of myself and more because I really want for what I have to offer to be heard.

And so I it required a lot of discipline in so many ways. Um, it required patience and that I I think patience is a form of discipline. Um, patience to wait until everything was ready. That was one of the ways.

And it required discipline on learning so many things that I had to learn throughout 2023 from which equipment to buy, how to use it, how to use the lighting, uh, how to properly edit, uh, all of the editing softwares and from Canva to Slack, to, uh, how to make a website. It was like, and I did have, uh, an amazing team behind me that I could not have done this without. And still, uh, also know how to write YouTube videos. What, how to not, um, ramble, you know, and and say things that don't matter, how to go to the point.

It it's been a whole year of waking up from, you know, 6:00 in the morning and going to bed at night, binging on how to do what I want to do properly and and get to it and and write and record and edit and it's and and I think the reason why discipline plays a big part of of this on this is because for this whole year, I've been in a cave, if you will, working on this silently without telling anybody except maybe my closest people. And it's like working, working, working, working, but not seeing any results, right? It was just putting uh, pieces in place. Uh, the social media, I I never had social media and I'm going to tell you a funny story in a second about Instagram.

Um, but it was like setting up Instagram and LinkedIn and Facebook and YouTube and this and that, the website. It was just a lot of things that needed to be put in place, um, first and then release. And throughout that time, I had so many so many moments of anguish, I would say that's a proper word for it, where I'm like, oh my God, I'm just doing all of this and no one knows about it. I mean, this cave just working like a hermit and and I don't see any result, any feedback.

Nobody has seen anything. What if I release everything and then it ends up being crap, right? Like, what if I am delusional and I think that people need to hear these things and then people listen to them and it's like, yeah, here's another another spiritual guy, you know, like the other 20 million on the other platforms. I I knew in my heart that wasn't the case, but uh, it did require a lot of moments where I just needed to close my eyes for a second when these thoughts would show up and take a deep breath and then trust in myself and in what I'm doing and keep going.

And for a very long time, I could not see the end of it. I did not know when I was going to finally release. So discipline played a humongous part on making this happening, making this happen because without it, I would have definitely quit, um, way, way before it was ready. Um, because I just wanted to put it out professionally or not put it out at all.

I didn't want to do anything that was half halfway there. Um, and really quickly that funny Instagram story is that, um, it's not an Instagram story, it's a story about Instagram, better said. Um, is that one of my closest friends, uh, had to teach me how to use it and I was lost. I felt like, you know, when our grandparents or great-grandparents, it's like trying to show an iPhone to your great-grandparent and it's like, they don't even know how to turn it on.

I I really felt when I was five or six and somebody was teaching me how to use Microsoft Word, that's exactly how I felt, but about Instagram, it was so ridiculous and I was I couldn't like she was teaching me things and I couldn't listen to her because I started cracking up, laughing so hard and she's like, what are you laughing about? I'm like, about how old I feel where I just don't even know how what's she's like, this is an Instagram story. I don't even know what that meant. Like, for anybody listening to this, it probably is probably I I I know it's funny.

Um, because people send you links all the time and I literally never opened it. Um, I was so resistant to it for some reason. So, yeah, I had to start from the basics too. I think that's part of the discipline.

Because and and and there's a paradoxical thing that I'm noticing. Uh, on on one side, so a friend of mine shared with me that her, um, her her her her sister-in-law had told their, um, 14-year-old son that he was interested in playing sports for the first time. And she and the mother had told the boy, it's too late. Like it's too late for you to start playing sports.

You're already 14. You can't start this late. And my heart dropped because I'm like, whoa, why would we tell a child that it's too late? You missed your time to play soccer or to, you know, play baseball.

So, and that I think with social media for the people who have been resistant for it or some of the new tools, sometimes we do feel that sense of like, I missed, I missed my time. And then secondly, the other side of that, um, experience and and I love how you said I've been doing this work for 10 years and I started this podcast with in 2014 is when Ted Talks became popular. It's when around that time is when I did my first medicine ceremony. Um, that's when I started on my personal path of um, doing the work that I've done in love and dating.

And now 10 years later, I've accumulated all this knowledge and this information and I am finally feeling like I have a particular body of work that I I'm actually able to step more into being an authority on a subject. Um, and so you it's all, you know, back to that word, divine timing too, is that you for you, it was like, you have, you wouldn't have the knowledge and the information that you're is burning inside of you to be shared, if you were on social media back in that time period, if you were using your time that way, um, and if you didn't have the experience. So I just it's the it's there's this collective initiation happening and it's so exciting because it's it's accumulating. So anybody who's listening to this because I know there are a lot of coaches and facilitators and you, uh, if you're listening, you're probably a growth junkie and this probably you've probably been studying transformational or doing your own work in whatever your zone of genius is, um, for an extended period of time and now you've arrived here and to not get trapped in this idea of it's too late or, um, and and to know that your journey that you went through to arrive to this moment to get to this place of having this information to share was important.

And congratulations that you've had that. Thank you so much. Uh, every time I hear something like that, a part of me takes out a deep breath and also, let's go. I can't believe it.

It finally happened. So thank you so much. I'm so glad we're we're doing this. It's a a a way of showing me that things are finally moving.

Things are finally moving. So what have you learned from this like what are what are some of the top, you know, if you were to say the most important things that you've learned from hosting ceremonies for a decade and working with thousands of people in this way. Um, beautiful question. Um, I learned, I really learned a lot of things.

Um, as you probably know, and many people who have done a ceremony, one single ceremony can teach you so many things, right? And if you think about 10 years of them hundreds, what are what are the the top things that you can learn out of probably thousands of lessons? And it's funny that you ask me this because uh, I recently recorded a video for my YouTube channel exactly about this. It's called my top 10 lessons after 500 ceremonies.

Uh, it's not out yet, but it should be out in the next maybe in the next month. Um, but I can, I can give you a few of those here. The very first thing that I think is important to mention is, um, that true healing is possible. That's one thing that I I am advocating for.

And the reason why this is important is because honestly, we as a society don't know that. Individually, we might. We might know that you can actually heal from a physical or from a psychological issue. Uh, but as a society, we don't.

And the fact that as a and I'll tell you in a second why, but the fact that as a society, we don't know that, it means that because we are part of that collective consciousness, some of that trickles into us as individuals. Now, what do I mean that we don't know that real healing is possible is that if we would know that, we would as a society, seek much more for real, meaningful healing than for numbing. However, we numb much more than what we seek for healing. We live in a society that, you know, appeal for the headache, appeal for the depression, appeal for lack of sleep, uh, whatever it is that we do, tends to be addressing symptoms or numbing pain.

One or the other. Alcohol, when we are, um, you know, when we want to escape our problems or weed, when we are unsatisfied with life, are and bored, uh, or relationships, since you're into relationships so much, uh, we can use relationships as a form of numbing as well. And so, we're constantly seeking to numb pain or to, um, or to address symptoms. But what we are not seeking as a whole is to truly address the root cause of any of those things, which is funny because if we address the cause, then the symptoms are gone.

You don't even have to try to to address those symptoms. So, so the that's why I advocate a lot for this principle that real healing is real and it is possible and uh, it's something that I learned and embodied. And so now that I know it, for sure, you know, it's like a a thing that's that it is part of who I am now, this knowledge. I want to convey that to people.

Like whatever it is that you're going through, depression, anxiety, uh, suicidal thoughts, uh, heartbreak, uh, lack of sleep, uh, insomnia, right? Um, anything, anything that you're dealing with, can be healed for real. And the second thing that you were asking me about the top things, uh, and the second thing is what is the root cause of that? So first healing thing is that real healing is possible.

And second, that the root cause of most of our physical and psychological diseases is based on trapped and unprocessed emotions. So, with the first one, I want you to know you can do real healing. And with the second one, in a way, I'm letting you know where to look for the real healing. And that is in the emotions that you have felt throughout your life, especially, but not only throughout your childhood, that you did not manage to process.

If you ask, why are there emotions that I have not processed? The answer is because in order to process emotions, um, you need to have emotional intelligence and emotional maturity. And some of the emotions that uh, we have felt throughout our childhood were too intense and too difficult and too new and too big for us to even understand it. Like, if you're a child and you experience really intense sadness for the first time, you wouldn't be able to say, oh, this is sadness and it's intense and I am feeling it and I can't process it.

The only thing that you would feel, it would be like a contraction maybe in your chest or in your stomach or you would feel like all of a sudden you have no energy and that you want to throw yourself to the floor. But you wouldn't know what's really happening. All you would know is that this experience is overtaking you and you are now in a state that you might dislike. And that's and that's it.

So the sadness, since you cannot name it, uh, or process it, goes somewhere in your body and gets stuck and unprocessed to eventually, at some point, when you have the emotional maturity and intelligence and you are ready, that is also important because readiness is also the environment that you're in. Maybe you're now with somebody who's holding you properly or who's listening to you or who makes you feel safe. Then that sadness can finally come out. It's almost like you take it out of the vault, uh, so that you can process it now that you're ready.

And as you process that sadness or any other emotion that has been stuck, something in you will heal. Whatever that sadness was causing. Maybe that was the source of your depression or the source of your insomnia or the source of your anxiety, um, because there is that sadness might point out to a belief that your mom didn't love you because she grounded you and that's when you felt sad, right? And you're like, oh, my mom doesn't love me.

That makes me feel sad. And now you can finally release that and you might not live depressed anymore without an unconscious belief that your mom doesn't love you. Obviously, I'm kind of making this example very very fast and very not not very specific, but it's just for the sake of understanding how emotions work and how most of our wounding and our issues, um, are based on stuck stuck and unprocessed emotions. So, those are there's two.

I can keep going if you want, but if you want me to stop there's a topic. These are are are great. Uh, so it's interesting of the the trapped and unprocessed emotions. I would like to dive a little bit deeper in that on the relational realm.

Uh, I want to talk gender, man and woman in this moment. Uh, that's right. And we are a generation that got access to, uh, and to to to uh, to like we we we we've invested in the self-help growth, healing information and we studied. We've we've we've studied other wisdom keepers.

And evolution is happening at the same time as these wisdom keepers have existed. We're learning new stuff and we're, you know, this, you know, coming up is like a a, you know, still coming up. I'd say so rising as these new wisdom keepers, but we're not the elders. Uh, and so one person who's coming to mind who I've studied her work and there's I imagine other examples of this, um, um, to be looked at, but Dr.

Pat Allen. Are you familiar with who Dr. Pat Allen is? Um, no, I'm not.

Okay. Dr. Pat Allen, she is probably, maybe in her, maybe early 90s now at this point, if not late 80s. Uh, she is a, um, a psychologist.

She wrote several books. Um, some of her most well-known work is on love and relationships. She wrote a one of the book a book titled Getting to I Do. Um, it was a a book about how to a woman how to get to marriage, how to it was generally written for women, but also applied some men would read this book and she hosted it in Culver City, Los Angeles.

Um, the first Monday monthly, she would host this gathering. Um, about 70 people would attend and she would do hot seat coaching. And people would come up, they'd write their name on the board, um, and then she'd call them one by one up and and people they would express what they were navigating relationally and she would hot seat coach them with a very standard way of how things work. And that one of her main, um, ways of presenting her work was that men are the thinkers and women are the feelers.

So when you're in a relationship, um, and you and a woman is talking to a man, you ask him how he thinks. What do you think about that, honey? What do you think about this? You don't ask a man how he feels.

Men ask women how they feel. Women are to women desire to be cherished and men desire to be respected. And I think there was some great wisdom in her work and I also feel limited by it. Um, because as you just said, we're coming we're evolving.

And it's been realized that there's intelligence in a male's emotional body and his feelings as well. And being a woman, there is, um, an, uh, an yeah, like a an a a lots of knowledge and wisdom in our thinking. Now, maybe this can go into someone can come with someone's listening might think to themself, well, that's masculine and feminine energy and, um, and it's not, uh, you know, it doesn't have to be attached to a gender. I get it.

However, if I and when I'm working with women and for the most part, if I ask them, do you desire to be the feminine energy or the masculine energy? They will typically always say they want to be the feminine energy and they're looking for a masculine. But the and then the masculine presents in these other ways. And so the men that then I work with privately are generally always struggling to maintain this role and to not express their feelings.

Um, but they have feelings. They're telling me their feelings, but they don't want to tell the women their feelings because and the women's then being taught not to ask for their feelings. And so there's there's in this conundrum of presenting in this way to be the masculine man that this woman is wanting and she is also then, um, um, designed to present herself as this feminine and embodied woman who isn't shamed for being in her masculine. So at the end of her work day, she goes home and takes off her masculine energy to then go out in the world and date and it's like bringing these like it's almost like these different separate masks and not integrating the whole thing.

And we've seen her coming into what you're speaking about is coming into this evolution of acceptance of that we're all of that. We're all the thinkers, we're all the feelers, we're all this. I even would love to sometimes I just want to trash and throw away the terms feminine and masculine because I'm so over it because I see how it's it's so limited at times. Uh, and and it's interesting because if if I when I'm working with people in this way, they are coming to me and they're like saying, you know, what what often times the question is like, how many matches are you going to get me?

Like, I'm like, you're trying to go out and get a quota. Like, if you want a number of people, I'll make up a number of people that's like a minimum of three or like, you know, if I said five like it's just strange to even say a a quota of so I have to I I you know, it's like I'm asking the people that I work with, probably they have to have this like trusted me that I am because many matchmakers, it's hard to be successful as a matchmaker. It's hard in in the previous iteration of how matchmaking was set up that you come and you tell me the type of person that you want that, you know, typically, historically, many matchmakers actually have said over years, they've told I've had many say to me, don't work with women and don't work with narcissists. At the end of the year, when they look back at their their business, the people who gave them the hardest time were the women and the narcissist.

Um, so they avoid them. Um, I'm not doing that. I would love to work with women who have done the growth work and are really ready. Um, however, uh, I'm I'm not God.

I don't have a like I can't rush the process. And I and I and I am in this process of yeah, of of of reconciling, um, I'm genius I I know this is a zone of genius of mine of making connections and and connecting people and, you know, I have to monetize that, you know, that gift. Um, and and I have to have discernment. There's a discernment of like, who am I going to work with on this level?

Um, because I can't take everybody and I can't work with everybody in this way. But there is that space in between where I take your money and then I get to go on this journey. I come back and I, you know, the freedom in it and the, um, the to to then go and and do me is so important and I think as I'm speaking, I've just this level of noticing those feelings that have been coming up inside of me and being able to communicate them better to to the best of my ability to the people that I do, um, um, take on and work with in this way. And so checking in with you about what did it feel like for that space in between when I said I was going to do something to when I actually did it.

Um, and you feeling content in that experience is reassuring to my nervous system for as I go out in the world and continue to do other people. And I'm sure any potential people that I would work with listening to this, I hope that you, um, you know, I'm I'm giving you almost like sometimes the test the the the podcast are like these little levels of like testimonial to me being in this position that I get to sit in this role, I get to play in, um, in humanity, um, right now because my what I'm really excited to do is actually take, you know, I know Yvonne, you're in a beautiful loving relationship and partnership. I imagine we could do a whole other podcast on that story and and Emily and into it. Um, but of uh, like what I'm really excited right now is to actually support people like you and, um, in if they haven't, um, found their partner to bridge that and to make help support making that happen and for you to come into great relations with your significant other, so greater impact can be done in the world through, um, healthy loving partnership.

And second, um, if you are in a relationship, um, that I love supporting that work as well of, you know, of of um, you know, a couple that that is conscious in their own individual ways, but maybe haven't had access or don't know what's available to them or don't know what's available to them to support their relationship to thrive. So thank you for answering, um, that question that's super supportive. Gosh, there, um, maybe a question for you is how did you feel in those in those, uh, however many months? Um, and maybe a uh, a follow-up question is, I I don't think, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think that at any moment, like let's say four months in, you said, by the way, I didn't forget.

This is still going to happen. Uh, maybe you did, but I don't think so. Yeah, you didn't. Um, so I know that if I would have been in your position, uh, I'll be like, I still need more time.

I still need I because I don't want to be seen as, uh, the guy who, um, left you hanging, right? I'm not resentful or anything. I'm more like curious, uh, about what you were experiencing and what made you not reach out. So so curious about it.

I I think one of the reasons I didn't reach out was because I didn't know, I didn't I I I didn't know when and I didn't know how that it was going to happen, that I was going to be able to, you know, I I was in this query of am I raising another round of funding because I raised funding pre-COVID. I'm raising another round of funding for my business. Um, or am I launching, I've been talking about this idea of a Love Club. I had thoughts of a Love Club.

I didn't know what it looked like. I didn't even know what it was really. I didn't put it together. I didn't know how I was pricing it.

I didn't even like I just had, you know, a seed planted of this idea. Um, but I didn't have a a plan for it. So me reaching out would be an own acknowledgement of my own pressure. Like I just needed to do the thing to get to the place.

And if I had and even too is if I even look back at that moment of when I had heard about this ceremony and then jumped on the phone and had a conversation with you. I already was a bit out of my comfort zone from I knew that I needed to offer something. Like I knew I think you might have even said that to me. You're like, what can you or maybe I I felt like put it out there of what you're thinking.

So I put, um, I'll just say what I said. I I said, um, um, a thousand dollars and, um, and let's, you know, I have this network that I highly believe in, that is, um, growing and access to these opportunities. I often times put facilitators on stages. I get, you know, the the bigger conferences come to me, um, have come to me historically.

I I've known that I'm a projector. My human design is a projector, so I wait to be invited. So I'm not necessarily going out into the world and forcing things to happen, but often times people will come to me and ask me who. Um, or I have this podcast to share as a platform.

I know, um, that I'm only in the beginning of my journey and my deepest excitement is to put other people on stages. I don't have this need to be in the spotlight. The I have a joy of being in the spotlight when it is when I feel that there's like a level of personal growth that I can achieve from that or a level in my, um, um, relational life, in my partnership that I can receive from having the spotlight or, you know, that there's a collective, um, growth that will happen for me being in the spotlight, but that's not what's driving me to be in it. But I often times will get, you know, the Wonderland conference.

I think I've reached out to you about like, hey, um, Wonderland conference. I think I have that, like they're asking for speakers. I can share you there. Um, and so I, um, I I was confident.

I think that I would deliver. I just didn't know when. So when I made that offer to you of like, I'll give you a thousand dollars. I'll pay half now.

I knew that was even like the $500 was was like, okay, moving around. I got it. It's good. I'll figured it out.

Paid that. Um, but the other half, I wasn't sure. There was there was the thing because we never like, I think it was conversation. I actually didn't even know if you remembered.

I was so I think that because you weren't even putting any pressure on me, you never wrote and said, hey, just want to follow up about I'd be curious why you didn't do that. You didn't follow up with me. And so I'm like, huh, maybe he doesn't remember. And I just so so it gave me this breathing room.