Live from Zagreb, Croatia

today we're talking about real healing is real so why why did I choose that title why do I talk about it in that way so the very first thing that I think is important to talk about if we're going to talk about real healing is real is what is healing because this is a main topic if this thing is real what is this thing and in order to understand what healing is is I feel that first we need to understand what is wounding we can't really understand what is uh healing if we we can't understand what's wounding

um wounding happens when an emotional need goes unmet um emotional needs are something that all of us have and especially when we are children when we are children our emotional needs are out there they are completely exposed and when we become adults because many of them have gone and met we have closed up a lot and it's not that those needs are not there but we have learned to cope with them in one way or another either we have closed our hearts or either we have built walls um with people or we have some some level of Defense in one

way or another these defenses are an expression of our wounding and what they do depends on the wounding of each person um they create different effects that at the end of the day are not going to be um for our own benefit B basically if those things wouldn't be there we would be living a life that we ourselves are happier to be living um so for example if a child uh has a child has in an infinite amount of needs let's say that one of them is to be celebrated when the child does something wrong

because it's common to be like you've done something great like look at you you got good grades or you made your bed or you cleaned your room and you celebrate them but when they are not C when when they do something that it is opposite to what the parent uh thinks is right and it's at the end of the day all in the parent mind um because what the child is doing is all good it's all exploration and some things will be celebrated and some others won't one of the needs is to be always celebrated so

the times where we are not celebrated the child usually goes into some level of uh into some level of trauma somebody mentioned trauma um Hanah I think you did um and somebody mentioned pain and both pain and Trauma are are correlated because emotional pain which is when an emotional does goes and met creates trauma and then that trauma as you said like we accumulate it throughout life we go around life with all of these different traumas in us um and so they play out in different ways this is why sometimes people have really strong emotional reactions to situations that

maybe are not that big of a deal um or you have you are depressed and you don't understand exactly why and maybe everything in your life seems to be fine but then there is you just cannot resolve this so why do I have the depression all the time or why do I have anxiety all the time why am I afraid to get on stage or why my friend doesn't what's the difference between these people so the difference is all of the places in which we have accumulated trauma based on emotional pain from needs that have gone and met as adults

we have that too as adults we still have needs um at all all at all times but we have learned because we know ourselves better how to cope with with them so some of these needs we know some of the others we could know if we really put some thought into it and like we focus on like if I if I tell everybody close your eyes and then spend some time understanding what is it that you really need in this moment you might be able to find things that you wouldn't have unless you put that much effort and

focus and some people would then listen to those needs and some others would be like yeah I think I need that it doesn't matter um we tend to talk to ourselves a lot in the same way in which we our parents talked to us when we were kids and on those needs went and met so it is very common for us to um to dismiss our own needs too and then there are even deeper needs that we don't even know that they are there and the reason why we didn't don't know is because we have

been dismissing them for a very very long time to the point that we don't even feel them anymore there's so I I encounter this in my practice at all times where people just don't even understand that and I can see it with Clarity how much they need a hug or how much they need to be told that um that it's okay to make a mistake that it's okay to have hurt others that it's like there are so many moments that I see people just don't even understand what is it that they need or even that they have a need

um and then with time as we start doing some healing here's where we uh switch back from wounding to Healing people start realizing that these needs have always been there and and that it is drastic drastically important to to take care of them so um it is very common as I was mentioning for people to not understand why their life is not the way that they wish it would be like why am I depressed all the time even though I've been to therapy and I've done this and I've done that or I have money or I have

a amazing family and I'm still depressed what's going on there well what's going on is that there is a need there that has gone and met that continues to be there and continues to go unmet probably in a way that you don't even know that it is there so now that we know what is wounding what is healing let's give it a few tries so if wounding is an emotional need going unmet what's healing meeting our emotional needs beautiful meeting our emotional needs exactly so the thing is it's not always easy to do that it's

pretty simple with can definitely say it's simple you can put it in a phrase with seven words or however many that is like just meeting our meeting our unmet emotional needs it's very very simple and it's important to name that it's simple even though it's not easy to do because when we ask ourselves what is what's going on with me we usually go into really complex routes and complex Solutions and um and for a moment and here's the topic of our talk today it might seem like you just cannot heal or that these things that are in you are

unresolvable basically that real healing is not real that you cannot fully resolve certain things especially if you've been dealing with something for a very long time if you've been depressed for 40 years and you tried an depressants and therapy and this and that and you're still depressed then it is not only common but absolutely understandable that you would feel okay I guess this is who I am I am broken or there's something wrong with me or I was born wrong or whichever whichever one applies to you you might not be depressed but you might have problems drinking and you tried

quitting many times and you even managed to quit for six months and you thought you were done with it and then it comes back and it's like what's wrong with me well I guess I guess I just can't resolve this certain things are hard to resolve but it is as simple as meeting the unmet need so if we know that it is that simple at least we know where to start looking and where to start looking usually is like which of my needs have been have gone and met now obviously doing that will require usually some guidance

from a therapist that has to be good because there's a lot that um are not in my experience um or from your healer facilitator Shaman whatever you want to call it it can also be from a friend but it's very very hard to look at your own what what I call blind spots this is why they are blind so you cannot look at them by yourself you do need somebody there to mirror maybe not for all of them but definitely for the deeper ones so surface level wounds surf surface level wound like uh trauma it sometimes with a little bit of

self-reflection with some meditation or with some reading a book or maybe you hear this talk right now and it's you know it starts sparking things in you and you're like oh that brings these ideas to my mind about myself and who I am and all of these things but and that's great but there are ones that are deeper what this means is emotional needs that were really needs that were really strong that have gone andm met in key moments of your life so when something happens when you are two or three or four like in very early

formative ears and that need goes unmet if in that moment you are cracked open and you really needed whatever you needed in that moment and it has gone really really unmet let's say that you have a need like everybody does a need for a core family like a tight core loving family and maybe you were born without a father or uh maybe you were adopted and you already are born with my family does not want me even if you don't think that in you know consciously um or maybe you were born with three of your grandparents already

dead and you were born with just one of them alive and these are like little I mean they're they're not necessarily little but things that we normalize that if if that's how you were born you were born without a father you were born with like you don't think much of it when you're a child this is all you know yet it is making one of the needs for a core for the CORE family and to have both loving parents that's already going unmet um and that is going to create a lot of trauma and a lot of wounding that's

going to play out in your personality throughout your life now what does it mean to meet your need how do you meet the need of having a father if you never had it or how do you meet the need of having a loving father if you had a really angry one or how do you meet the need of um having a mother that would celebrate you whether you have good grades or bad grades if she only celebrated you when you had good grades and punished you when you had bad ones like how do you meet that what does it

mean to meet the need um that's where some guidance is important whether it is as I said from a facilitator or from a a therapist um or um any other person that can help you go through that process um because meeting the need there's something very common that we get confused and that is that we think and it's so understandable I used to think this too that the only way to meet that need is by having the thing that you didn't have so if your mom was not this way it's for your mom to change if your

dad was angry is for your dad to change and in a way that is the easiest and also the hardest way to meet the need it is the easiest for obvious reasons like that's what we didn't get and if that were to happen then that's it there's not much of a process that you have to do um but it's also the hardest because if if your dad or your mom would be that way then you wouldn't have gone through that the fact that the trauma is there is because that wasn't there and it is very rare for that to change

because it is very rare for people to do real healing so the only way for that to change is for those people who have caused the trauma to do their own healing realize the ways in which they have um make your needs go unmet and then change like go and do the uh Pro proper process of meeting it which requires acknowledgement a proper and honest apology holding you in your emotions and many other ways so that tends not to happen it's very rare unless you're a parent you come to a ceremony you do your healing and then you go and acknowledge

things to your children so it is easier for a parent to do that to their children than for somebody to have their parents do that for them if that makes any sense yeah was that a little bit of a tongue twister um yeah there's not that many people doing healing and maybe this is the the main point that I would like to get across which is why why are people not doing healing if we would be doing healing our life would be so much better like at all times in a way we're constantly telling ourselves I wish I

would be doing more healing yet we don't say that with those words we say things like I wish we wouldn't be depressed we say things like I wish I wouldn't have so many random strong emotions that show up I wish I could have a better relationship with my partner I wish um my mom would um say sorry to me and we even say things that are wider than that for example I wish the world the world would be better I wish there would be no Wars I wish uh there would be there wouldn't be so much uh discrepancy

between the opportunities that some people are born with um in comparison to others with much less opportunities so all of these things that we're talking about wouldn't actually happen if all of us would be doing healing so why aren't we doing healing well for two reasons and maybe just to engage you a little bit I want to see if anybody can guess either of those two why are we not doing healing capitalism capitalism you're not too far I mean capitalism is already a consequence the way better said the way capitalism is constructed is already a

consequence of our lack of healing and a lack of healing prevents us from fixing it too so it's a little bit of a loop yeah I like the answer but it's not any of the two that I was thinking [Laughter] about what else disconnection from our emotions and from nature disconnection from our emotions and nature it's also not far it's also not far um it's also a consequence this is this could be a little bit of a I don't know if you guys know this phrase Catch 22 um I didn't know it as a nonnative

English speaker um it's when you don't know where to start like it's a cycle right so part of the reason why we're disconnected from nature um is because we are already wounded in ways where that has lost the proper value and priority as we actually should have it um and that also prevents us from seeking healing so all of these reasons that you guys are naming um are both causes and consequences but I wouldn't name them as the main the main cause maybe one more try fear huh fear fear fear of what I heard three answers about fear and um

and I heard them I heard them with the same you guys said the same thing in with different words you said fear of facing yourself you said fear what you will find and and Truth fear of the truth I like all of those and I think we're not educated at all during our life that healing is available and it seems maybe like like it's too big of a mountain to climb like I don't even want to go there it doesn't seem that's available and is too big of a mountain to climb well um you actually pretty

much nailed it that's one of the reasons um because I'm healing you're healing that is actually one of the reasons and is that we don't actually know that we can heal um naika used different words but um we don't know that real healing is real this is why I named this talk that way we just don't know that that's possible and theoretically or in our minds we might think that we know but if you actually take a look at how we behave we don't behave as if we we really would because when we are in pain

whether that is emotional whether that is physical um physical or emotional pain our most immediate tendency is to try to not be in pain not by healing but by taking care of the pain so that is called numbing um you guys all know what that word is okay huh yeah transl ah translating in cian how is it so we have had this idea that um we don't really act as if we know that we can actually heal because we go straight into uh into naming or to um so this is this is important we get a headache it is not that common to

be like what is really causing my headache I'm going to um stop that or change that or remove that habit from my life we usually are like you pop a pill and it's gone and a lot of times the headache does not come back but even then even then it's not really the best behavior because it supports the idea that you can always have a escape and so if you are let's say that you have a headache because you are really addicted to sugar and you're eating a lot of sugar which can give you headaches um

you first you might not find out that you are getting your headaches because of the sugar because there's less of a a need to find out because you know you can pop a pill and it's gone um so you might keep that cycle eating eating things that are and I said sugar but you could that that might might sound a little bit obvious but sometimes could be other things that we are consuming like you might be in front of a screen too much or maybe your posture is not too good and that's like moving something in your like one of your B bra

and creating headaches anyway the thing is if we wouldn't have anything to numb then we would only look for healing whatever that would be if there wouldn't be anti-depressants then you would only look for ways to heal your depression in ways that it will be defin like uh definitive um instead for most of our uh for most of the times that we experience pain in one way or another we tend to numb and of course individually that is not necessarily the case in each one in each person and in each one of the situations but as a

society if you think about it how societies work and globally the whole planet has a much bigger tendency to num than to heal which creates the idea that true and real healing is not it's it's not it doesn't even come up um so that's one of the reasons we don't know that real healing is real um because we them and then what's the other reason so the lifestyle that we've created 9 9 to5 job Etc is definitely not supportive of healing this this is kind of similar to what we were talking before where these things are there

because we are already wounded and so and they are not supportive of a healing environment but they are not NE necessarily the cause for it um the other cause for it I would say is that healing is not that available so um marijuana is a great case a great example of this where um is an alcohol the same is so widespread it takes care of the pain so I mean we are talking about numbing again that it's like the the need to seek for healing is gone it's like we are constantly seeking for ways to numb

we don't want to be in pain and we would love to heal but we don't know how and so one of the the first one was that we don't know that we can actually heal at the end of the day and the second is that even if we would know that we can actually heal we just don't know how um this is why psychedelics play a big have been playing a big important role lately in in the idea of healing because people who have no idea that healing is real and who don't have who don't know how to

do it sometimes even if the facilitator is not good sometimes they consume the plants and all of a sudden the plants guide like the plant is the facilitator and they become their own facilit and they realize so many things that they they couldn't have any other way and then they come home and realize that they have healed a lot of things things and so now they found those two things actually I can heal and I know how um as I mentioned uh the proper use of psychedelics is key it's not just taking psychedelics and it's not the only way

to heal um and this is maybe the the last thing that I want to mention for today before maybe we go into um more questions and answers but um the other ways to heal besides psychedelics is is doing parts of the healing process so we talked about meeting unmet needs which I don't think I ever finished talking about how to do that um I think I just said like yeah if if it didn't happen it won't happen right are you is that it for you no no hope um so you can meet your own needs and there's a process to

do that uh another reason another way in which we get wounded which also makes us understand how we heal is through uh the processing of unprocessed emotions so when uh an emotional need goes unmet usually you feel something in that moment so maybe you feel extreme fear or maybe you feel extreme disappointment or extreme hopelessness or extreme anger let's say that uh your dad punishes you for not having good grades in that moment there's a need that's going unmet right which is being loved even in those moments but then there's another need that is showing up in that moment which

is to express your feelings your your dad punishes you and now I'm angry and that maybe your dad says no TV for two days or no dessert and that sounds terrible it's like and then like somehow you express that as a child either you throw a tantrum or you whatever you yell and then your dad is like don't talk to your father like that it was going to be no TV for 2 days now it's no TV for 5 days and you get even more angry and the punishment gets even worse and So eventually you stop because being angry

is dangerous if I get angry then my needs go even go andm even more and more and more and I get loved less and less and less and so this anger which we first started expressing then we learn to not express but we're still feeling it then eventually we learn to barely feel it and then at some point we don't even feel it it's still there but we don't feel it and or we don't have access to it it just solidifies there like a rock um so part of the healing process that makes real healing be real

is to go and dig for those emotions especially the ones that have solidified and that became like a stone and start processing them processing is simply feeling them and doing what that emotion wants from you so if as a child that anger wanted you to just yell and punch a pillow then that's what you do as an adult it's going to feel weird at first you're going to feel like a child because it is actually you as a child experiencing that using your adult body to express those feelings so the more we can process our

own emotions our stuck emotions the more we can um meet our own needs then um the more that the more we will be liberating all of the things that created the wounded the wounding to start with and so the depression can be gone the pain in your shoulder can be gone it's like what are you talking about Ivan some some of these emotions when I was talking for example about the anger that gets stuck um it can get stuck in a part of your body and create pain and then you take an MRI and then the doctors have no idea

they tell you that everything is fine and then you go to some form of healing setting you liberate the emotion you process it and then your pain is gone your physical pain is gone I say how can that be um for somebody who came from a super scientific background I studied engineering this sounded like complete craziness to to me um it's like what are you talking about but I've seen it enough times maybe thousands of times and I've seen it in myself too so um so that's how you do some healing what do psychotics do they um it's like

the oil in the Machinery like if the Machinery is a little bit and I'm telling you just go and look for your emotions you'll be like okay let me think about them yeah I don't feel them what are you talking about I think something is in there but like I have no clue what you're talking about like yeah whatever like I'm fine and then you take some plants and then they take you straight there like it's like the like the road has been paved it's so easy to get there and you are like oh my

God had I did I have all of this in me this I would have never expected that so um but what can happen in those moments is that emotion shows up for example um this is very common in in healing settings an emotion shows up and your facilitator if you are doing it with a facilitator has no idea how to hold that emotion because your facilitator shares the trauma with you so that facilitator has been traumatized in ways that are very similar to the ones in which you have been and so if I am angry toward all all women because my

mom was abusive and then you are angry toward all women because your mom was abusive and then you come for advice to me I will probably give you the wrong advice I will probably be like yeah they all suck and that's not going to be healing for you because I am not coming from a healed Place either um and so if your anger comes up in a healing setting and then your facilitator has a hard time uh holding anger which is a hard emotion to hold because most of our parents have a hard uh time holding that emotion then

your anger might not be properly held and therefore it might not feel safe enough to be processed properly um so um healing requires a proper proper facilitation and a proper holding of your emotions and the proper uh seeking of them what does that mean to hold your emotions great question what does it mean to hold your emotions it means for example I think it's easier to understand it is what does it mean to not hold your emotions properly so for example you say something now to me that makes me really angry and I'm like oh I

shouldn't be angry like I shouldn't be angry like what you said isn't isn't that bad what's wrong with me I or I'm like I get I get really angry and I'm like okay I'll do what you told me like I totally dismiss it or maybe I'm I get angry and break his head huh break his head um yeah maybe I punch you in the face that's still like not like there's there's so many ways in which the emotions can come up and I'm and I just don't know what to do with it when a proper holding of that emotion would be

like right now I'm feeling really angry and in inside of myself I'm telling to myself it's okay that I'm angry cuz very often we tell ourselves it's not okay to feel what I'm feeling it's not okay to feel shame it's not okay to feel angry it's not okay to um whatever I'm experiencing it's not okay I should be feeling something else or but or for example I've done so much healing work by now I shouldn't be angry like I'm ashamed that I am angry or or um what you did wasn't that bad I shouldn't be

feeling angry because there's you know there's there's so many ways in which we don't hold our emotions properly um and that's kind of on the on the bright side the more dark the darker side is to completely not feel it even though it's there so to hold your emotions basically is an acceptance of every emotion that you have understanding that every emotion that you have experience experienced is a consequence of something that's not your fault but it's more like the your surroundings have naturally made that emotion emerge and that that emotion is okay and so for

example I have a friend who has a really hard time with sadness they just don't allow themselves to feel sad um they just they just don't know how to hold it so when somebody else feels sad um what my friend does is they immediately try to make that person out sad and we and a lot of people have a hard time with sadness so I they immediately try to make you feel better so let's say you come to me sad um for me to hold your emotion properly would be like you are sad right now that's okay let me give you a hug or

do you even need a hug maybe you don't even like but the idea is not to change it not to change your sadness not to make you feel anything different but to be with you in your sadness so for you to hold your own emotions properly is to be with yourselves with yourself in your emotion um instead we say oh don't be sad or hear but think about all the great things that you have in your life or um I I'll be there in a minute or it's just whatever I can do to change your state and and a lot of times it

comes from a good intention is so that you can feel better but that is what what would be the light intention and almost every single thing that I do has also a shadowed intention so the light intention is I really want you to feel better the shadowed intention is I have no idea how to hold your sadness your sadness makes me uncomfortable uh I don't know what to do with it because I don't know what to do with my own sadness if I know what to do with my own sadness which is I am sad right now

that's okay I am with it and I don't have any problems being sad I don't even have a preference to be not feeling this way of course Joy feels tends to feel better than sadness but I'm sad right now and that's okay and if you think about it a lot of children have a really easy time haing their emotions when a child is sad they cry and they don't want to change it it we as an adults project that we think that the child does not want to be sad but what the child wants is to express

the emotions that are coming out of them and then they do it super freely they cry in the middle of the bank or they throw a tantrum in moments that you would feel embarrassed and they don't care they are free to feel their emotions they can hold them without any problem it is when the parent can't hold the child's emotions that the child learns oh this emotion is bad this emotion I shouldn't feel and then they learn to have a hard time holding their own emotions does that answer the question ni the end hope of expressing

the same old same old so in that case like let's say somebody has a a hard time getting out of their sadness they're always sad all the time or always anger angry and they don't have any problems with um anger then that's not the emotion that is that is the problem or or even sadness like let's say I'm angry all the time and I express it all the time and that means that if somebody comes to me angry I would totally get that person I be like yeah I know what you feel it's okay to feel that way I'm pissed too like so

an anger is not the problem there something is creating the anger and that is very different so what that something is is a place to go and look at and what it could create the anger is the unmet need which then we go and and look for in our healing process obviously I cannot in a one hour talk give you all the tools to right now go home and do all of the healing needed because healing is a lifelong process that requires training and and learning how to do it but if I were to convey a

message and then maybe we go straight into questions is um that you can heal and is much better than tun you will take care of the problem right away and that that is important to know that it can be done and it's important to know how it can be done healing settings is definitely the right place to do that and psychedelics is one potential healing setting but there's many others and I would encourage you to go look for whichever healing setting you feel called for but please start doing healing because I don't believe there's anything more important that we

can be doing for our own well-being for the well-being of the world and the well-being of our children so that's that's that's it for today about real healing being real and now maybe we can go to some questions comments or complaints I have a bunch of complaints already by the way yes my friend okay to feel that way thank you thank you for holding my feelings of complain you're really good at it I guess you like to complain too yes fantastic so if you didn't hear it the question is is it possible to heal completely his guess is no and um is our

healing going to also help our children um your guess your guess it is my guess that is right so I also don't think that we can heal completely um I also don't think that the point of healing is healing completely because for every step that you make along the way in the healing process you experience the benefits right away um the idea of fully healed I also think is coming from a wound um from like a collective wound of which is like a more um goal oriented mindset that the you know we we most of us

have um which is to achieve and and get things fully done I I honestly believe that a long time ago people weren't thinking that way and as things showed up you heal them and you get wounded again and then you heal them I mean you can think about it physically you probably will get wounded physically again like whether it is because you um I don't know like got cut with a rose or because something fell on you or you crash your bike or something and then you go and heal it and the same happens with the emotions um

so I would say to the idea of fully healed that the best thing that we can do to heal that is to change the mindset to it's okay to be always healing and it's also great I like healing it's there's there's nothing wrong with always having more to do every time you do some healing something gets liberated in you which you can only experience in the moment of Liberation but not once it's fully liberated once it's fully liberated is gone and you you are already healed in that way and you experience the benefits right away but

eventually that feeling goes away because it is a feeling of being trapped and then getting Li at from it that gives you this idea of like how how awesome it is to be healing so and then um about the children 100% that's like absolutely all the healing that you do is healing that your children are not going to have to do themselves and all the ways in which you are wounded that are related to your parents are uh there because your parents have not done it themselves and we can point our fingers at them but we

can also know that the reason why they didn't do that healing is because they weren't ready for it or it wasn't available um so this is one of the messages I want to convey it is available to us now and if you're here listening to this is because you're most likely ready or this can get you closer to Readiness um a person who punishes their child for having bad grades is a person who has not healed around the idea that who you are as a whole is lovable and that not and not that you need to be loved when you achieve or

when you do certain things and that has probably come from their own parents who who taught them that so this is why the ways in which we wound our children are um all of the ways in which we have not healed so yes please do this for your own children too yes yes it you you definitely can track your healing based on how your personality changes or on how things affect you I mean there's a moment where when we become adults that most of our personalities are already formed and one thing I didn't talk about today and I'm

not going to go in depth in it now is that um all of our wounds also create most of our gifts and of the good things that and the amazing people that each one of us has become and so you don't necessarily want to change everything of who you are what you want to do is seek for the wounds and heal them so that for example if I am I I am I am personally a very compassionate person like I have a lot of compassion for people's pain and part of my compassion comes from my own

wounding now if I would not have healed my wounds then if I see you in pain Maybe I would not give you the The Compassion that you need because you might need a compassion that's very different than the one I can give when because I am in so much pain when I'm seeing you in pain and so I might do things for you that you might not want or need I might hug you too much or call you all every day or and and at the end of the day it's not that I am worried for you I just

cannot hold the level of pain that you're in and so I am acting from that place but if I heal that I can keep my compassion and get ATT tune to you and what you need in that moment without putting my wounds on you and when we don't heal this is happening at all moments all the time we're always giving our gifts both from our uh both from our gifted place and from our wounds and they get stained and so the gift cannot be fully given in a way that it would be um and so the person's always receiving

this is why a lot of people when someone does something good for you it's very common that sometimes people don't can't really receive it is because unconsciously they are receiving the other person's pain as well they don't know that that's going on but it's it's happening in the subconscious level so um healing can change your personality in ways that you really need it so if you are always bursting out with random emotions that might go away or if you used to talk to people um on top of them and interrupting them you might now have

healed whatever was causing that and be like much more a patient or uh you might become a better listener your personality you're still going to be you um unless you he I mean if you were an assassin and you were killing people all over um and you somehow heal that which sounds difficult but possible um then yeah maybe something that's a big trait of you changes uh for example I changed a lot I was an atheist only as like science-based everything like I would not have ever been able to talk like this I'm much more quiet and I like my

energy is much softer I am still me but definitely I have I I have and there's certain moments and situations where I can recognize that I would have acted very differently without healing that I would have exploded or that I would have maybe the opposite maybe the healed version of me explodes in Anger whereas without healing I would contract and keep it all in um so it's good to track how things have have changed so the question is is there any point if your parents are conservative and closed up is there any point on pushing them to heal or is it better to

give up and just focus on your own right yeah anything else that I missed M they are closed and they you don't think that they want to heal okay yeah yeah um this is a sensitive topic and yes there is definitely a point to um show them away um the best thing that you can do for yourself is when you do that is to not expect anything from them and um there's a likelihood that they might say yes uh it is there's a bigger chance that they might say no but even if they say no they now know and they know that

you're up for that and the best thing that you can do is focus on your own healing and proving to them but not because you're wanting to prove anything you're just doing your own thing and in the meantime they will slowly notice the change my own mom has done aasa U without me ever proposing it to her and without me were thinking that she was going to do it she just saw the changes on me she's like whatever you're doing I want it um so I like okay like I was super surprised I couldn't believe it

um and things can change in ways for example they might yell at you like they always did and you might respond by saying Dad I am not going to let you talk to me like that anymore whereas before you might have been like but you telling me that and but it is you who did the like you might have engaged in that Loop and now it's now you learned let's say that your healing was around boundaries and about honoring yourself and how you're feeling and it's like that when you said that that does not feel like you're honoring who I am and

now I'm only going to accept people in my life who honor who I am you you might say that and you might blow their [ __ ] mind be like who is this guy what did you and something about what you said is so true and so real that it might land in places that they didn't even know that they had and so maybe nothing happens for a while but then every single little thing that you have done is going to show in your personality in in little ways and then one day they might be open for it or you might one

day you you might be like hey Dad or maybe they mention hey MAA you have ch changed so much in the past two years what have you done and you're like this thing I've been telling you about would you want to know more about it like I would I think it's going to be good for you but there's no like trying so hard and in the meantime all you can do is love love them just love them and the more you heal yourself the easier it's going to be for you to love them in places that it used to be really hard

because they have wounded you in those places they might they might not they might I I think at the end of the day too there's like a coming into peace or an acceptance with the idea that it might not be for them in this lifetime at least maybe not all the way um it might be a little piece but whatever that is is it's okay yeah it's it's their Journey as this one is yours all right so I want to say thank you to each one of you for coming here and for listening to all of this thank you for

being interested in healing and I really wish you a lot of success in your healing Journey thank you click on the left Square to watch another video I made on a related topic all my content is free if you appreciate it and wish to assist me to continue releasing this kind of content please consider supporting me on patreon you can also follow me on my socials And subscribe to this channel