True Crime Connections

[Music] dark cast network welcome to the dark side of podcast what if healing and spirituality were presented in a way that truly resonated opening doors to transformation not just for you but your entire family [Music] are you guys ready to get practical strategies to support survivors focusing on breaking cycles of harm and fostering resilience if so you're in the right place welcome or welcome back this is true crime connections I'm your host Tiffany and this week coming from bu's Aries how cool is that is Ivonne who is a educator consult and coach in healing thank you

so much for being here and welcome thank you so much for having me Tiffany it's a pleasure to be here I watched a few of your videos and one of them was why you hate people saying everything happens for a reason you have and you die ah so that's the one you watched okay you are just so charismatic and funny in it and I can see why people are drawn to you yeah I was mentioning off camera how important it is to bring some humor to these kind of topics because otherwise it just gets too serious and

as a person who has been coming from a more scientific background in general spirituality or anything related to it has always been a thing that created a lot of aversion uh to me this is in the past it's not like that anymore and so I feel like if we if I would have been introduced to Healing work and spirituality in the way in which now I present it a way in the way in which I wish it would have been presented to me then I would have most likely been uh much more drawn to it and so yeah

putting a little spark everywhere uh to you know make it entertaining and and so it's not only just education and so much content I feel like that also helps keep people engaged and bringing the attention span to a rest so that you can then deliver whatever comes next so thank you for appreciating that and for seeing it of course I just find it so interesting the way that you do spirituality and science because when you think about it I mean they do go hand inand but it's not something that people really put together quite often correct and that

was so myself so as I mentioned I came from a scientific background and to me spirituality was the opposite of everything I ever uh believed on right if you cannot prove it then don't even start talking to me about it you know go go with whatever it is that you believe for no reason that's that's kind of like the the scientific or the atheist mindset and because I come from from that background I understand it really well fortunately I'm now on the other side where I have broken from what I would call a limitation because it is

ultimately a point of view and and if that's the only point of view you have then it is going to be a limitation whether you like your limitation or not or whether you believe you like it because that was me but where I'm at today I like this so much better and with this I don't mean that I discarded all the science right quite the opposite I still uh have a very pragmatic way of seeing things and including spirituality I also didn't think about them as compatible and now it's quite the opposite I can't imagine anything where

you could not see it from either of those angles and most likely both are right just using a different language if you will one one analogy that I sometimes use is that it's like a French person saying uh to a person that speaks Spanish uh the way you say hello is by saying bonju and the person in Spanish is like no it's by saying hola it's like no it's bonju no it's hola and it's like you guys are both saying the same thing it's just in a different language and Science and spirituality are very akin

to that example I have plenty of of examples to give if if you're curious but at the end of the day there are there are ways of experiencing and seeing the world and in my experience they are both right none of them are wrong you have guided more than 10,000 people through challenging healing Journeys I mean you help with PTSD depression sexual violence physical violence that's a lot of people that is a lot of people and that's not anything I would have ever imagined or or expected but life has this thing about taking you in the

most unexpected places and I am extremely grateful for that because one of the reasons why I understand the mind so well and how to heal what is trauma how it's caused what are the common mistakes that we make in our healing process why is so important to heal all of these things I know them thanks to having have if you will gotten a peak like a a view of 10,000 people's minds and you know in a way as I was mentioning I still have that scientific way of thinking so I take all of them as inputs in a

database and understand what are the common um what is common to all of us what is about being human um so if you see a pattern over and over again even if they are different examples or the content is different then you realize oh this is how we all get wounded no matter if you're from China if you are a woman if you are young if you are like we are all human and we all get wounded in in the exact same way for example in the case of wounding is wounding happens when an emotional need

goes unmet right and that sounds generic but it's because that is true for everyone now the content of that can be very different what is an emotional need what are the needs of each person all of that can change uh but at the end of the day that is something that is common to all of us and so there's also something that's common to all of us about how we heal there's something common to all of us about how we handle fear uh shame other emotions and so uh I I had a lot of times psychologists come and ask me if I

studied psychology because I speak pretty much in their language and I said I didn't in University but I did through each one of you you know through each person that has come for healing um and honestly that has been a lot of my education that's a to those 10,000 people to each one of them that's honestly a gift to be able to take that from each person because holy crap the mind is a scary place it can be and everyone's is different so and there's things that we have in there that we don't even think about but there still

there so I can only imagine how hard it can be sometimes to access those areas and like how far down you got to go after you have worked with a lot of people who can access those places then you get a new uh challenge if you will which is how do you work with people who cannot access those places where you as a facilitator you can tell that there is a lot there that it is stored or uh suppressed or protected um and maybe even the person knows that too but they don't know the content and they don't

have any way to access it and a lot of times I I have been challenged where I'm like I have no idea how to help you but I'm going to try and by trying together and by being honest about that right like hey I have never seen a case like yours it's pretty unique or extreme and I really you don't fit in any of the you know categories of of ways of healing that I've ever experienced but let's do it together let's let's you know let's remove the the pressure that I you will come out of here healed and

let's explore together and it has been extremely helpful to do that because with people like that I realize it's not about releasing trapped emotions it's about helping them reconnect with their emotions and how do you guide a person to do that is a very different uh thing that you have to do than how do you have people release uh emotions so in each one of these cases where I have been challenged or where I have not known what to do because I have never seen it I've always taken the if you will humble route the I don't know what I'm doing

route let's do it together and it has been so educ ucational for me and you know this then repeated over and over again to the point where at this point I don't encounter too many cases that I haven't seen but if I were to do it I've already done that enough times where I have seen where I have not known what to do um and I now I trust the process of what to do with people that way so yes the mind can be scary um but mostly can be a complex maze to navigate if you

don't know how to do it but once you do it's actually not that hard so if we were taught in school in elementary school or in high school um at least the basics on how to navigate the mind I think that the population would be less afraid of what is it that they are storing and more capable of doing self-healing oh I agree 100% we need to start giving children the foundation to be able to work through their emotions instead of keeping them balded up because then they get older and they're shooting stuff up and they're you know

it's just it can go so left so like if we can get to the Minds when they're still like forming and they're young enough to understand in process I think the world would be a much better place yeah and sometimes people ask me why do you think that is not the case is it a conspiracy you know like is it that they want to keep us uneducated they I I always laugh when they use that word they who who's conspiring to do that no I I think that the reason is because our Educators have not learned this our

educators are like anyone else like our parents like everybody are traumatized people and a lot of the systems that have been created have been created by people who have not done healing work and so how can you teach something that is not something that is an intrinsic part of your of your practice and of your being but this is not our Educators fault either because they don't know what they don't know we as a collective have not created a society where healing um has the priority that it deserves and that that it should have if

we would have more um like a culture right where healing is key is essential what do we give priority to we we give priority to work to Career to Family I'm not saying those things are not important they are but I I would venture to say that they are less important than healing including family because prioritizing your family without prioritizing your healing is not really prioritizing your family because you're going to basically be giving to them parts of your trumpa um unintentionally and you're going to be harming them without you knowing so prioritizing your healing is actually

prioritizing your family as well part of the reason why I'm making those videos since you were mentioning them is to start doing what I can to create that culture and many of my videos talk about how important doing healing work is not just how to do it or why we should say everything happens for a reason or things like that which obviously is is is also part of of what I have to give but um kind of like us making people realize how how much more important doing healing work is than what we're giving it um

today I totally agree I mean it's breaking the generational cycles that we all have we all go through but in the video you said something and I think this could be like an aha moment it was kind of for me and I think it can be for the listeners as well is when you were talking about the Olympian who expected to win everyone expected her to win and she didn't and her mom instead of like holding her and saying you know you'll be okay instead she's like well yeah but look how far you got how many people can

say that like didn't really allow her to feel her feelings and I think we do that so much unconsciously not even realizing that's what we're doing oh yeah and it's everywhere um I I gave that example in the video because it's everywhere and a lot of people can identify or at least resonate or or know that they have heard it or that it has been done to them or that they have done it I definitely am guilty of of having have done it too um but it goes from the B Most B basic thing for example well one

thing that I named in that part of the video is that uh it's not the mom's fault the momm is really trying to make her daughter feel better even though it's not the right the right way of doing it but we do it a lot of times from that place of we want to make the person feel better for example one of the most common things that we have heard as children is um our mom or our dad or a teacher say something like oh don't be sad right and it's super basic I'm not saying

something that sounds that terrible but what basically what I'm telling you is don't feel what you're feeling and your sadness is not welcomed you should be feeling something else and so what that makes is it creates a well we were talking about cultures right it creates a culture where not every feeling is honored or welcomed and so a lot of them we become harder to feel later on in life because we have learned that these feelings are um not going to be received instead we should tell the child that's sad it's okay that you're sad let me let

me hold you it's okay that let me hold you as you are going through that so that the child feels loved whether they are sad or feeling Joy or angry or whatever that is whatever you're feeling it's okay let me hold you in it now that's the most basic thing we say but we we tell people basically to not feel what they are feeling in Array of different ways and we do it every day if you really pay attention you will hear it you will hear it in the in the dinner table you will hear it at the grocery

store in waiting to pay you will hear it coming from your own mouth and you will hear it uh being said to you I know I've done it but it so you and then you said it's because the m um is hurt as well and she doesn't I was just like mind [ __ ] blown like oh my God it like it's a ripple effect it's because the mom was hurting that her daughter was hurting and she didn't want to hurt either so it was just like a way to kind of minimize it without even

realizing what you're doing yeah it's so unconscious at the end of the day she's not comfortable with her own daughter's sadness because she's not okay with with sadness in general so if her mom would have been told as a child it's okay that you're sad her mom would have internalize that it would be part of who she is and when she sees her daughter sad she would know that that's okay so I don't have children yet um but we're planning we've been trying actually for a while with my wife and I know you know we talked about the 10,000

people in a way these 10,000 people were in very strange way my children because I got to see to talk with all of them about their childhood and about what were the things that have made them that have created and perpetuated Trauma and not feeling your feelings or being told that your feelings are not welcomed whether that is directly or is implied like the way I was just saying one thing I've learned is the importance of honoring children's feelings but in order to do that I need to honor my own feelings especially the ones that I have

a hard time honoring so if when you got angry as a child your father told you don't talk to your father like this now you're grounded then you also learned that's one way in which your dad is telling you anger is not welcomed anger is um a dangerous emotion to feel when you feel anger you get grounded basically right so with that I realized that I need to be okay with every feeling that I have and work on that so that when I have children if my child gets angry or if my child gets sad I will be I personally

will be okay because I know that it is okay to be sad and it is okay to be angry or hopeless or defenseless these are all feelings that are okay to experience so if my child experiences it then what's a big deal you know I mean this doesn't mean to this dismiss or to ignore or to not love the child while they're going through that but it's just another feeling that is okay to feel as I said what's a big deal I could feel another thing coming up for me which is the collective it is a big deal sadness

is a big deal what do you mean what what do you mean with what's the big deal of course it's a big deal and the answer is no no every feeling is valid but it's not a big deal or it's not the big deal that we make it to be so my child is sad it's okay to be sad dude like I know exactly how come let me hug you as you're doing that so in the case of the mom and the Olympian if the mom would be okay with her own sadness she would also

be okay with her child being sad because she didn't win the Olympics and thus she would have less of a need to try to make her feel better by dismissing her sadness um so at the end of the day what I'm saying is it all starts with healing yourself and then the rest comes kind of automatically that makes so much sense what are some of the other things that people have said that kind of mess them up as kids I guess is a nice way to say it just for like people who are listening that you know maybe they are

expecting or their new parents like what are some of the things that we do that we really need to stop ah what a great question you know I think I mean I've talked about this many times but I think it's the first time that somebody asks it directly like that like make a list of all the things that we do to our children that could be a great video by the way I think I'm gonna write it I'll watch it you [Laughter] should um okay so anything that implies uh that whatever you're experiencing is not okay so I already mentioned from

don't be sad to don't talk to your father like that to a very common one too is this happens a lot in Asian cultures but it is not limited to them and it is that I am proud of you when a child does something good and or or something that you as a parent believe that is the right thing for example the most common one is having good grades right and to not say that in contrast when the child doesn't have good grades and so what basically you are telling the child is when you perform or when you do what I expect you

to do then you receive my love and my pride when you don't then you don't receive my love you don't receive which which is coming in the form of Pride love is too generic love can take any shape is like the Joker card in a deck um it's not just love love always comes in the form of something it can come in the form of touch it can come in the form of attention it can come in in the by saying that you're proud of someone so if you do X you get my love in the

form of Pride if you don't then my love disconnects from you what does a child learn then that uh per Performing is being worthy of love and that not performing is not being worthy of Love um and so that the child might become an over performer or overachiever later on and even though that can bring a set of really great skills and gifts and qualities it is mostly wounded driven and the child is not going to or at that point the adult is not going to be doing it because it's what's truly truly coming out of their heart is doing it

because they are escaping the idea of not being worthy of love and that always brings uh some sort of harmful consequence to yourself and and to others you might do the same thing to your child later on or to your partner so so that's a very common one is to Give Love sometimes and remove it some other times based on what you as a parent think is right another common one um which to also to to keep on the topic of your question is ways in which we shame our children so from how could you do that anytime

you ask a question how could you you're are basically implying something is wrong with you like if you would not if there wouldn't be anything wrong with you you wouldn't have done that how could you do that right me meaning like something's something's wrong with who you are and and so that's that's what we we say that to our partners too we don't only say to children like you might a wife might say to the husband how could you mix the dark clothes and the white clothes in the laundry instead of saying so if you

if you ask me Ian then what is the right thing to say the right thing to say is to honor your feelings and say I am angry at the fact that you mixed those the the clothes in the laundry um because me on the other end I'm like receiving your anger and we are having an honest conversation about what's going on but instead of honoring ones self's feeling we dismiss them and when we shame the other person by saying how could you do that um the answer to how could I do that is because I didn't know

there's nothing wrong with not knowing but there is an intention of shaming there um and so we do it with children a lot we shame our children we uh project into them what we believe is right we tell them what they believe what they should believe from religion to lack of religion which was my case my parents basically I would say forced me into atheism and it's not that they were like you shall be an atheist but it it's like when your parents tell you there is no God like anyone who believes in that is

an idiot then that's that's they're installing they're basically installing a belief system in you in this case is the belief that there is nothing um instead of what is a true role of a parent is not to install their own beliefs is to guide the child into growing up to be their own person and and support them at every stage of the way protect them obviously not shame them and help them honor their own emotions I will make a list a much more concise list based on your question because I think it's it's a great

question thank you yeah you talk a lot about like your different practices and that you developed a meth a a methodology that was a big word for me a methodology that Bridges science and ancient wisdom that offers tools that Empower people to move forward even without relying on medicine or elaborate therapies so what is it that you teach that you don't need plants and then I'm so curious what plants are you using M great great question too so when I started serving medicine in this case aaska and medicine cactus which I don't know if you know that one I don't

know that one I know the first one my best friend did that one yeah so when I first when I first did that and when I first started serving it I thought that it was the plants who was helping us do the healing and in a way that is true they are helping us but that can be very conf that can be confused very commonly with them healing us and they are just helping us learn how to heal and so after years of holding these ceremonies I realized that a lot of the times the healing was coming not necessarily from

the plants but from the conversations that I was having with the people that maybe the plant would kind of bring things up like oiling a rusty Machinery or something that is like just really assisting a lot in maybe accessing those places that we were talking before that some people have a really hard time accessing um but that the healing wouldn't be complete until we would talk and and and help the person process those emotions and so later on I started taking people outside of of the ceremonies with the plants doing uh coaching oneon-one and the healing was equally as powerful

and so I I'm really grateful to the plants because they have taught me how to do the healing without them with them the healing is easier and is like lower hanging fruit and it's much it just helps people who are very closed up to access places that most likely they wouldn't be able to access any other way but to complete the process and to finish it there there is what I would call the healing process so to talk to answer to your question there is a process in which we all get wounded and there is a

process in which we all get healed and they are very related so I mentioned earlier one thing that we all share is that to get wounded we need to have an emotional need go unmet and that creates a wound uh the wound is an emotional uh hole if you will in in our emotional body where something that I really needed has not been given and so emotionally I feel empty there and so what does that part do is it starts seeking to be fulfilled like a hungry stomach and the hungry stomach most likely will want things with nutrients

you know the the spinach and the avocado but if you have if that's taken away and there's none of it left and all you've got is like I don't know glass noodles I don't know I'm thinking of whichever food has no nutrition at all chips yeah potato chips and that's all you've got then your stomach is going to to be asking for that now if instead of and you're going to give it and it's going to keep you alive but it's not going to make you thrive it's going to make you survive but not Thrive and survival has been at the

Forefront of our priorities for a very long time however I really feel that as humans we have reached a point in which at least this is obviously not the case for everyone in the world there's a lot of really intense poverty and a lot of people are still in survival but there is a lot of people who are not in survival and that still have a surviving mental it when the priority now should not be about surviving because that's taken care of it's about thriving and you cannot Thrive your body cannot Thrive with potato chips in the same way

your emotions are not going to be able to thrive with whatever they are whatever that wound is seeking so if I didn't get the love that I needed that emotional hole is going to seek for the closest similar thing if I needed the touch of my mother and my mom never touched me because it was part of her own wounding then I might seek for women in my life that touch me even though I have no idea that that's what why I'm doing it but maybe a woman touches me and that to me becomes exactly like food

in the middle of the desert maybe a woman says something to me and I don't care but when she touches me I'm like oh my God this is it's like quenching deep thirst that I don't even know that I have um and the problems that can arise from that is that I might not see a a huge amount of red flags that this person might not be for me just because this person is giving me the water in the middle of the desert and so if the wounding happens through an emotional need going unmet healing happens by

meeting that emotional need by giving the avocado by giving the spinach right in this case how do you you do that is the methodology that I have developed and I have developed it developed it through all the people that came before me thanks to like parts of the things that I learned with the plants and and through empathy but also through methodologies like ifs internal family systems through classic psychology and through some you know intuition with working with people so there is a wounding process there's a healing process and you can really write them down in order on how

that works and once you deliver that to people this is how you got wounded let's go and explore these lines you got it now this is how you heal those those places in you let's go step by step then the healing that's available for people is pretty beautiful and profound when you work with medicines a lot of these processes happen kind of automatically but when you don't have plants you can still do as as much deep meaningful healing as if you would have plants very interesting do you get met with like a lot of resistance from

people in which way like I mean I guess if they're coming to you they know there's a problem but it could be like I'm fine and you're like no you're not like let's let's explore this a little bit [Laughter] more I definitely count with the advantage that they are coming to me and I am not coming to them right that helps um though every now and then you get someone who's like I came here because my friend told me and they are already not wanting to be there um so yes sometimes I am met with

resistance and I think part of the skill that I developed is to to put those guards down so at first I would have been like you should like like this is your opportunity to heal what are you doing wasting you know how many people would love to be in your spot right now like you BL blah blah like that's kind of like what used to show up for me naturally and eventually I started there was a lot of compassion coming from me like the person it's not their fault it's not their fault that they are the

way they are that they are traumatized like and it's I am the facilitator so in a way it's up to me to put their guard down it's not their responsibility to come with the guard down and it is potentially within my skill set to help them do that to help them understand that it is in their own benefit but that if I push against the defense that's what the defense is there for so that's not going to be a good strategy so um that is a little bit more intuitive or uh like uh how do you call it like a

little bit of an improvisation every time but a lot of it comes from having have shifted my mentality into this is a chess game right now is me against this person's defenses let's see who wins let's play you know and so humor is a big part of it asking questions is also a big part of it asking questions is a great way of playing chess so if the person is like I shouldn't be there instead of sorry I shouldn't be here or this ceremonies [ __ ] whatever they are saying rather than me getting into

the defense state which that's it now I reduced myself to that and now I'm clashing against his defenses I could just ask questions and say oh tell me more about it why is this [ __ ] oh because look at that person all in white and that one's like pretending to be all spirit and like what is this place I me I'm exaggerating this it's not very common to get someone like that but you know versions of it for sure and so I be like why does that bother you it doesn't bother me um it's like what's unique to

you that that bothers you that and why would you think it doesn't bother me and so we start like engaging into like an exploration and by doing that the person's already in it it's already like going deep inside of by the time that you know they realized what's going on it's too late they already have explored a lot and we already laughed and like I take it I don't take it personal so yeah I am met sometimes with a lot of resistance but I became skillful at trying to diffuse it and sometimes even after having have done many times I I'm

not successful at it and I have come to the place of acceptance of it that's it's okay I it is it is my responsibility to do my best but it is not my responsibility to to to have 100% a successful result um so yeah I have fun I I really have every time the more complex and challenging the case I have learned to approach it with uh more curiosity and more like like a chess game and like I want to win this game so it's on you know on [ __ ] it's on [ __ ]

exactly I love it so how often do you do these ceremonies at this point I am doing them like maybe every two or three months I used to do it every week and I burnt out yeah I burnt out I used to be in an airplane every week in a different time zone every week and and I did it for many years I was very at first I was very passionate about it so I wouldn't get tired of it I I was fine being in an airplane and you know different time zone every week for years at some point

I I started asking myself kind of like what are you doing with your life why are you why are you getting into a TSA check again like why are you not going to sleep again tonight to why are you going to explain all of this again are you sure this is you know that doubt started creeping in and so I first thought I was losing my passion but it was just doing something too much and I started doing it less and less and at this point once a quarter is good because when I come to the ceremony I

feel very refreshed ready um and that's how if if I were a participant that's how I would want my facilitator to be right to to be at their best self especially with something as important as your healing and as scary you know is that's or it's not that it's necessarily scary but people have this idea that taking plants and Diving deep into your subconscious mind is a very scary thing and so they come nervous and Afraid so I want to be my best self in those moments to honor their trust in me and so at this point

yeah once a quarter I think that's good I would love to do one of those do you like change the places up or do you kind of have your set schedule where you like to go I have a place now I have a retreat center that we have everything mats uh cups blades it's it's all beautifully set up and I used to travel everywhere and now I'm asking people to but it's going to be worth it because the place is set up specifically for that yeah no I mean that's great I mean I think that sounds amazing

when my best friend did iasa she was like holy [ __ ] so I was like I want to check that out at least once who did she do it with or where H in Arizona h she went somewhere she said like she was like on a mountain that's really about all I know it she couldn't like really talk throughout it obviously because you're busy taking all kinds of weird [ __ ] but she felt so lighter when she left and like she felt like she got answers that she needed and I just thought that was just so

cool and the answers you get you feel like you would never come up with them yourself it's it's pretty mind-blowing very transformative yeah if anyone has the opportunity to do it there's a caveat with what I'm going to say but yeah if you can do it if you get the opportunity and you feel ready go for it um the caveat is the most important thing is to make sure that you go to somebody that somebody has trusted you that some has gone first and said I trust this person um I trust their integrity I trust their knowledge and I

know that you'll be okay don't get anybody off the internet or of an advertisement or um and if you're listening to this including myself because nobody has recommended you to me and and at the end of the day you don't know me and so it's there is a lot of there are a lot of settings and circles that um either don't take this seriously or they take it too seriously um or there's something that might be off um or they don't might not have enough knowledge or they might be too spiritual and know nothing about science

um there's there's an array of potential issues so you want to do this being and feeling safe now if you have somebody you have the opportunity uh you have someone to to go to and you get the chance I can promise that if the ceremon is properly held There is almost no chance and I say almost because you always have to give 1% there but almost no chance that your life won't improve drastically and that you won't feel amazing after it it it can really change how you experience the world to the better on yourself at the

end of the day and who does want that what that I'm going to make sure that I do put the link though to your website in the show notes that way if anybody does I mean I trust you I don't know if that means anything to anybody but I mean I know myself so I I'll tell you f come with me but you know wouldn't that be what whoever everybody would say that so guess that's exactly what a scammer would say when you're ever done with these do you ever feel like you need to like

cleanse yourself like do you ever take on all these emotions and stuff from people I love your questions today they're they're really great yes I do I have become better with time at taking less in and a lot of what you take in is related to your own wounds so this is a side note for anyone who's going to a facilitator know that your facilitator is also wounded because it's very common to idealize the person like somebody might hear all the things I'm saying now and be like oh wow that's so cool there's so much wisdom in there

and then if on top of that you give them medicine and their life changes they might start idealizing you it's a very common effect so your facilitator is very wanted like anyone else um and it's very common to take things on without you realizing that are directly related to your wants so an ex extremely an extreme example to get the point across is if you have lost a child right one of the most traumatic experiences a human can go through and then that trauma is not healed and someone comes to your C who has lost a

child every time that they cry every time that they talk to you every time anything that happens in ceremon is going to affect you so deeply and then you're going to go home and you're not going to be in the same way as if that person wouldn't have come to your ceremony you will have you will most likely be affected deeply and you couldn't have helped that because you have a one that has matched a participant and you have whether you like it or not takeing it on so this is obviously an extreme example but um if you reduce that to all of the

little ons that you might have um those places are being consciously or not affected by others so with time I've worked on myself more and but also I have become more aware of the wounds that I have not healed and so when somebody comes that matches that I consciously make a commitment to myself of not disconnecting from the person yet understanding that this is their journey and that it is not up for me to take a a very common thing especially for facilitators is to believe that it is you who has to heal the person um and I

learned that that is not true I don't have to heal the person I am there to help the person heal themselves and guide them through that I don't need to take on the other person's Journey because I have my own and that would be a disservice to the person if I take their Journey then what about them and their Journey like you're this empowering them to learning how to heal themselves so by understanding all of these uh things with time I've I be I became better at um emotionally letting people have their own Journey without

disconnecting without making people feel that I don't care because I do care and at the same time I both care and I also know that this is your stuff so um yet yeah I always need to clean at least a little bit I have a little routine after um afterwards with for me is sports um I uh I am a little bit of a Maniac with doing sports let me see if I have it here this I run it a few days ago it's a an Iron Man look at you had that's awesome awesome congratulations thank you I love the

look I know with with the headphones make I mean you could start a new trend I don't know uh so yeah working out and uh going to a spa and um you know writing and a few I have my own routine and that that has also helped a lot so very recommended for anyone holding space for anyone else be aware of which parts your ons match and then whatever you have taken on go go was it out yes yes Ian this is great and I just want anyone who's listening if this resonates with you or you know somebody who needs

to hear it make sure you share it because this is some good [ __ ] is there the style of your podcast thank you I get that a lot yeah I mean it's what it's about right I mean we're all here to learn but let's have a good time while we do it and better ourselves like we could all live the life that we want we just have to allow ourselves to get it stop holding ourselves back so if if I were to hear that in a ceremony I would be like you're absolutely right but it is also not our fault that we are

holding ourselves back why are we holding ourselves like if you were to think about it nobody would choose to do that so something is creating that and that is usually rooted in wounding which is why so many times throughout this conversation I said that healing is one of the most important things we could do when you start doing healing work then you start realizing what are the things that have happened to you that you didn't know that are holding you back and so you stop holding yourself back but telling someone like stop holding yourself back I mean I get it and I'm

not criticizing you this is you were talking about earlier about examples of how we say this things to people all the time this this is like is such a common way like you know from this side it's like I'm your friend I stop holding yourself back I'm like come on like go for it right like why why are you doing that and the answer is probably like you don't know it it's rooted in your wounding and start doing some healing work and you'll find out and then the rest will come effortlessly so thanks thanks for saying that because it has

given me the chance to say yes don't hold yourself back if you are holding yourself back and you don't know why then one thing you can do is start doing some healing work whatever that is whether it is with plants or somehow else but um most likely the the answer will come naturally as a consequence of of the healing you do mine was fear I had to face fear I had to get real comfortable being uncomfortable do you know what you are afraid of rejection I I think I'm I'm tempted to keep asking your questions and then start a process

like rejection of what have you found the root cause what have you done after that have you cried it all out are you still holding on to resentment like oh my God there we could go to so many places down the rabbit hole we go well is there anything else that you wanted to add anything that you want the listeners to know um let me see if anything shows up I I usually wait when I ask when people ask me this question I wait to see if there's anything that wants to be said rather than me wanting to

say okay what is showing up I I love this idea of things that show up because they don't seem to why why did this show up like I just close my eyes and this thing just just pops up for no reason right so um what showed up was this idea that life is a game can't be seen as G if you life can be seen as whatever you wanted to see it that so if you're seeing it in a way that is not serving you um and you realize that as you're hearing this this it is also there is

also other perspectives available and one of them is seeing it as a game and the rules of the game are to get wounded and to heal and wounding is important because through wounding a lot of our gifts get developed and healing is important so that when we give those gifts they are coming from a a healed place not from a wounded place and so I have been feeling that more and more that we just sign up to play a game where we get wounded as children and we heal as adults and that healing gives a lot of

meaning to our past and to the parts of ourselves and our history that we wish would have been different so rather than wishing for things being different we have an option that is very similar to that or at least it has similar effects um and that is that you can always do healing and once you do it the desire for things to have been different goes away no matter what that is from um the least traumatizing to the most traumatizing things I have heard people that have experienced levels of trauma that are really hard to hear that are okay

with how things played out in their life because of the healing work that they have done and because of the healing work that they have done they also got to see the powerful gifts and the powerful people that they became thanks to it so your trauma is okay your trauma is there for you um not against you when you do healing work if you don't do healing work then it will feel like it's against you and it most likely will um but when you do healing work you basically make trauma your friend and I don't think there's anything worth more

than that so that's what I was showing up I love that through pain is purpose so if you can make it through I mean you never know what gifts that you have that you can share with the world yeah imagine looking back at your past and not wishing that anything nothing at all would have been different nothing not the death of your parents at some age not a heartbreak not when you lost all your money not when you broke your bone like not when you got bullied now imagine that you look at every part of your life and you're like I

am exactly I am perfectly fine with things the way they played out exactly the way they played out but that that comes genuinely and naturally without any effort that that's just oozing out of you th that's one of the most beautiful um consequences of doing healing work so no reason not to do it this there's no there's really I find no reason not to do it me too well I think you are going to make a fantastic father so thank you that's really sweet of you to say I can't wait well it was such a pleasure having you

on and like I said I will put your links in the show notes so anybody who wants to come and find you they can do that with ease and um we will stay in touch yes we will thank you so much for the space uh you're really bubbly I really appreciate your your whole vibe and the the style of your podcast and yeah thank you for giving space for this kind of content to be out absolutely we need this we need it for sure all right let's startop here [Music] oh [Music]